THEY SUCK THE SICK

A ZANU-PF COVID19 MASK

This is a boring subject. Suck it if you knew. It’s not like you have never had a sick person in your family, in your community, in your church or you have never been sick yourself. We all know sickness, you may have seen a sick president, something very normal in the 21^st century, a sick police officer, something very, very normal in Africa or a sick pastor, something adorable in the religious cocoons. This article, tackling a boring subject, may choose to go straight to the point to point out that: Covid19 revealed how sicker we are as a people, as nations and as sick people. I won’t apologize.

WASHING HANDS

The World Health Organization gave us 7 Steps on how to wash hands. You are too sick to think in the 21^st century we need to be taught how to wash. Here are the WHO steps. Don’t ask me who WHO is?

Step 1: Wet your hands and apply enough liquid soap to create a good lather. ...

Step 2: Rub Palms Together. ...

Step 3: Rub the Back of Hands. ...

Step 4: Interlink Your Fingers. ...

Step 5: Cup Your Fingers. ...

Step 6: Clean the Thumbs. ...

Step 7: Rub Palms with Your Fingers.

I know the hands are yours. If you are christian, you know you were made in His image. He also has got some. Our hands have a lot of tasks to do in this wicked life you know. For example, fingering. News24 of the 19^th of September 2012 reports, “Mugabe, wife fingered in corruption”.

We grew up licking our hands and even KFC came up with a tagline along those lines for the rich. Yes, poor people can’t buy KFC. When I grew up I always thought licking fingers after a meal was a sign that one is not satisfied but I was sick. “It’s finger lickin’ good” the rich were told until Nando’s fired a salvo in March of 2020 during Covid19 where they had to withdraw their slogan. It was deemed to be reckless in a time where sanitizing became more popular than the thought of what the hand will do. In my village you don’t just wash hands with no proof of gastronomical guarantee.

Guideline number One of washing hand says: “apply enough liquid soap” … Ok, after years of licking my hands, one day it becomes dangerous to. I am told that for me to make it out of 2020 alive, I need to ‘sanitize”, “santinize”, with handsome tiger. The shop owners, those who sell stuff labelled made in China. They increased the price overnight. I reported a case from my area. The Mayor had breakfast with the representatives of this community od shop owners. They gave him a gift. End of story. No one was arrested for increasing the price of the handsome tiger. Instead, I met a bottle with a face of His Excellency and was told it was cheaper and a very reliable handsome tiger (sanitizer as said with my village un-english accent).  So, the whole forking head of state’s face was on a small bottle which was to clean my fingers, the fingers I use to prepare my way, grease my way, or make it wet before I enter. The leader of the most patriotic front had no problem with it. This hand-circumciser was not free; it was just cheaper than the one from the shop only. We are socialist, the handsome tiger just showed us how capitalistic we are. Sick.

THE MASKS

The GlobeNewsWire makes a stunning report that Face mask market to surpass $21.2 billion by 2026.  That’s none of my business.

After watching Money Heist, Boom! Boom! (you know), other movies like the Italian Job and a lot more disappointing movies from Nigeria with men and women wearing masks robbing banks, this year presented legality to the tools of crime. What a beautiful year it is for thieves. Thieves even went a step further to make masks with their faces, their political party logos. A sure sign that they were here to steal and leave you knowing who they are. The finger washing masking legal thieves you voted for. Everyone is wearing a mask. Whether you buy it from your political party or pharmacy it doesn’t matter. Every shop has a clear notice outside: No Mask, No Enter. Since you are sick in the head, like Carex Condoms, their new tagline read: It’s time to mask up to go out (as opposed to condoms and enter). That’s a very dark joke there. I only imagine how the kissing is to happen with a mask without it losing its purpose.

The masks are a catch. The ones donated by Jack Ma, WHO and other generous thieves found their way to the streets to be sold at a subsidized price. There is a price for everything. In movies men in masks steal money, but in my country, masks steal money from the poor. My mother will say; these masks suck my blood dry.

THE DONATIONS

Everyone is allowed to donate. The ministry of finance is always working hard. You see, Covid19 has made the ministry start using sophisticated algorithms to pay out social protection cushion money. The pandemic exposed how sick we are. The donations are clouded with a lot of corruption presenting itself a thick veil of evil. The minister of health has been reduced to the body bags enumerator. He only announces deaths, casualties and emphasizes on hand circumcision with the handsome tiger. We keep getting donations but surprisingly, the shortage of key equipment persists. Where do these donations go to? Who uses them? Are there special home services for the esteemed leaders in their houses? Or maybe, maybe they will use them as campaign packages for the next election.

THE SONGS

I won’t write about songs. I hate songs. One country in Southern Africa was once in a frenzy with Hondo yeminda songs and another with Dununa reverse. Dununa is an awkward word in my village. My grandmother wouldn’t approve it at all.  until they voted the man they always hated. I hate songs. Songs have caused us a lot of suffering you know. I want music, cool stuff like what Kanye Wets does, you see, that’s a million-dollar stuff there not songs. I have heard a lot of songs on Covid19. If they are not goat shit, I don’t know what they are. The songs will only have a space in the dustbin of history, a memory of a period of sick people sucking the sick for a song with sick lyrics to save a soul. All singers (not musicians) who did songs on Covid19, you sucked from the sick too.

THE CORRUPTION

Let’s read some coded language here. https://www.zambiawatchdog.com/minister-chilufya-accused-of-stealing-covid-19-money/

https://www.newzimbabwe.com/of-stimulus-package-and-looted-covid-19-funds/

You don’t speak when you are chewing, someone said. I am no economist neither am I better positioned to comment on whether Covid19 funds are being looted. One thing is for sure, it would be an insult if they were not. Its cultural to steal donated stuff. In Zimbabwe a minister was arrested for stealing donated beans. Taking from the sick to feed the sick is not bad. They call it redistribution. These leaders we have are sick, it’s fair to allow them taste stuff meant for the sick. The sick can’t just eat alone; they must share with other sick people.

THE POLITICS OF A DISEASE

Covid19 successfully grounded politicians. Every week one was flying out of their country to go sleep in a conference, only to return and be welcomed by dancers and singers at the Airport. Their privileged entourages will be seen shopping expensive stuff everywhere they go. Since march 2020, a lot of presidents have been in their countries. Who wouldn’t smile at that. Some sick men went to Namibia for an inauguration. You see, there is always a sicker one amongst the sick. He read an order barring citizens to move around and called it lockdown, we saw him in Namibia and also in Mozambique.

This pandemic has also minimized mudslinging campaigns. There is a little sanity in the political spaces. There are less rallies and more tweets. The period has made us see how our leaders can be so frustrated by staying within their own borders. Our all-weather friends are the ones seen getting and out of state house whenever they want. They only put on a mask then sign papers with bare hands, pass papers around, that’s all. The Chinese continue enjoying the world. They are manufacturing and selling us key products needed to fight a pandemic believed to have started in China. China is sick, its sucking sick Africa dry.

 

CONCLUSION

Covid19 is aiding anarchy, corruption, human rights abuses, lawlessness, poverty and a lot other evils including being broke.

 

By Bhekumusa Moyo

Email: bhekumusamoyo@gmail.com

He writes from the Village on his own personal capacity and anything that offends anyone, he apologizes because he is a cultured villager.