THEY SUCK THE SICK

A ZANU-PF COVID19 MASK

This is a boring subject. Suck it if you knew. It’s not like you have never had a sick person in your family, in your community, in your church or you have never been sick yourself. We all know sickness, you may have seen a sick president, something very normal in the 21^st century, a sick police officer, something very, very normal in Africa or a sick pastor, something adorable in the religious cocoons. This article, tackling a boring subject, may choose to go straight to the point to point out that: Covid19 revealed how sicker we are as a people, as nations and as sick people. I won’t apologize.

WASHING HANDS

The World Health Organization gave us 7 Steps on how to wash hands. You are too sick to think in the 21^st century we need to be taught how to wash. Here are the WHO steps. Don’t ask me who WHO is?

Step 1: Wet your hands and apply enough liquid soap to create a good lather. ...

Step 2: Rub Palms Together. ...

Step 3: Rub the Back of Hands. ...

Step 4: Interlink Your Fingers. ...

Step 5: Cup Your Fingers. ...

Step 6: Clean the Thumbs. ...

Step 7: Rub Palms with Your Fingers.

I know the hands are yours. If you are christian, you know you were made in His image. He also has got some. Our hands have a lot of tasks to do in this wicked life you know. For example, fingering. News24 of the 19^th of September 2012 reports, “Mugabe, wife fingered in corruption”.

We grew up licking our hands and even KFC came up with a tagline along those lines for the rich. Yes, poor people can’t buy KFC. When I grew up I always thought licking fingers after a meal was a sign that one is not satisfied but I was sick. “It’s finger lickin’ good” the rich were told until Nando’s fired a salvo in March of 2020 during Covid19 where they had to withdraw their slogan. It was deemed to be reckless in a time where sanitizing became more popular than the thought of what the hand will do. In my village you don’t just wash hands with no proof of gastronomical guarantee.

Guideline number One of washing hand says: “apply enough liquid soap” … Ok, after years of licking my hands, one day it becomes dangerous to. I am told that for me to make it out of 2020 alive, I need to ‘sanitize”, “santinize”, with handsome tiger. The shop owners, those who sell stuff labelled made in China. They increased the price overnight. I reported a case from my area. The Mayor had breakfast with the representatives of this community od shop owners. They gave him a gift. End of story. No one was arrested for increasing the price of the handsome tiger. Instead, I met a bottle with a face of His Excellency and was told it was cheaper and a very reliable handsome tiger (sanitizer as said with my village un-english accent).  So, the whole forking head of state’s face was on a small bottle which was to clean my fingers, the fingers I use to prepare my way, grease my way, or make it wet before I enter. The leader of the most patriotic front had no problem with it. This hand-circumciser was not free; it was just cheaper than the one from the shop only. We are socialist, the handsome tiger just showed us how capitalistic we are. Sick.

THE MASKS

The GlobeNewsWire makes a stunning report that Face mask market to surpass $21.2 billion by 2026.  That’s none of my business.

After watching Money Heist, Boom! Boom! (you know), other movies like the Italian Job and a lot more disappointing movies from Nigeria with men and women wearing masks robbing banks, this year presented legality to the tools of crime. What a beautiful year it is for thieves. Thieves even went a step further to make masks with their faces, their political party logos. A sure sign that they were here to steal and leave you knowing who they are. The finger washing masking legal thieves you voted for. Everyone is wearing a mask. Whether you buy it from your political party or pharmacy it doesn’t matter. Every shop has a clear notice outside: No Mask, No Enter. Since you are sick in the head, like Carex Condoms, their new tagline read: It’s time to mask up to go out (as opposed to condoms and enter). That’s a very dark joke there. I only imagine how the kissing is to happen with a mask without it losing its purpose.

The masks are a catch. The ones donated by Jack Ma, WHO and other generous thieves found their way to the streets to be sold at a subsidized price. There is a price for everything. In movies men in masks steal money, but in my country, masks steal money from the poor. My mother will say; these masks suck my blood dry.

THE DONATIONS

Everyone is allowed to donate. The ministry of finance is always working hard. You see, Covid19 has made the ministry start using sophisticated algorithms to pay out social protection cushion money. The pandemic exposed how sick we are. The donations are clouded with a lot of corruption presenting itself a thick veil of evil. The minister of health has been reduced to the body bags enumerator. He only announces deaths, casualties and emphasizes on hand circumcision with the handsome tiger. We keep getting donations but surprisingly, the shortage of key equipment persists. Where do these donations go to? Who uses them? Are there special home services for the esteemed leaders in their houses? Or maybe, maybe they will use them as campaign packages for the next election.

THE SONGS

I won’t write about songs. I hate songs. One country in Southern Africa was once in a frenzy with Hondo yeminda songs and another with Dununa reverse. Dununa is an awkward word in my village. My grandmother wouldn’t approve it at all.  until they voted the man they always hated. I hate songs. Songs have caused us a lot of suffering you know. I want music, cool stuff like what Kanye Wets does, you see, that’s a million-dollar stuff there not songs. I have heard a lot of songs on Covid19. If they are not goat shit, I don’t know what they are. The songs will only have a space in the dustbin of history, a memory of a period of sick people sucking the sick for a song with sick lyrics to save a soul. All singers (not musicians) who did songs on Covid19, you sucked from the sick too.

THE CORRUPTION

Let’s read some coded language here. https://www.zambiawatchdog.com/minister-chilufya-accused-of-stealing-covid-19-money/

https://www.newzimbabwe.com/of-stimulus-package-and-looted-covid-19-funds/

You don’t speak when you are chewing, someone said. I am no economist neither am I better positioned to comment on whether Covid19 funds are being looted. One thing is for sure, it would be an insult if they were not. Its cultural to steal donated stuff. In Zimbabwe a minister was arrested for stealing donated beans. Taking from the sick to feed the sick is not bad. They call it redistribution. These leaders we have are sick, it’s fair to allow them taste stuff meant for the sick. The sick can’t just eat alone; they must share with other sick people.

THE POLITICS OF A DISEASE

Covid19 successfully grounded politicians. Every week one was flying out of their country to go sleep in a conference, only to return and be welcomed by dancers and singers at the Airport. Their privileged entourages will be seen shopping expensive stuff everywhere they go. Since march 2020, a lot of presidents have been in their countries. Who wouldn’t smile at that. Some sick men went to Namibia for an inauguration. You see, there is always a sicker one amongst the sick. He read an order barring citizens to move around and called it lockdown, we saw him in Namibia and also in Mozambique.

This pandemic has also minimized mudslinging campaigns. There is a little sanity in the political spaces. There are less rallies and more tweets. The period has made us see how our leaders can be so frustrated by staying within their own borders. Our all-weather friends are the ones seen getting and out of state house whenever they want. They only put on a mask then sign papers with bare hands, pass papers around, that’s all. The Chinese continue enjoying the world. They are manufacturing and selling us key products needed to fight a pandemic believed to have started in China. China is sick, its sucking sick Africa dry.

 

CONCLUSION

Covid19 is aiding anarchy, corruption, human rights abuses, lawlessness, poverty and a lot other evils including being broke.

 

By Bhekumusa Moyo

Email: bhekumusamoyo@gmail.com

He writes from the Village on his own personal capacity and anything that offends anyone, he apologizes because he is a cultured villager.

 

 

 

THE POLITICAL MIDDLE FINGER WE LOVE LICKING

Bhekumusa Moyo Pic:Freymer

You will know that they have given you a middle finger when they conduct their rallies in the center of your poorest business district. The distance to the venue will tire  even your strongest donkey. The chefs will arrive at four past afternoon for a rally scheduled for ten o’clock in the morning. By the time they arrive  hunger and tiredness from dancing revolutionary songs would have reminded you that what you are here for is just to endorse another five years of the same lifestyle you are enduring.

The chefs will descend from the long convoy of 4 wheel drives  sipping mineral water from the cleanest source and the sight of the precious liquid throws your mind back to your village where you scavenge for the salty borehole water which has a taste of rust. They will be having shiny stomachs as my mother would say, from consuming the best produce of the imperialists who evade and avoid tax, maybe Nandos or Chicken inn…..maybe something of that class. To you they will bring a promise, a promise of an airport in your village when taking a bus is an adventure. Yes, the only vehicle that can deal with that road is that bended bus which looks like it’s coming when its actually going. They will promise spaghetti roads and bullet trains when they have been in parliament for more than 15 years but have never moved a motion in parliament for the construction of the same, perhaps they need a title called President to implement that.

These are the leaders we have. They speak well polished English because they never bothered even to learn their mother tongue. Anyways, what the crass do they care about, you are a mere villager whom they can’t even hug because you smell so much villagery. They even use hand sanitisers after giving you a handshake thinking how disgusting it is to use the bush as a toilet without tissue. Yes, the esteemed tissue, they know you use tree leaves or wood to wipe it. They don’t care as long as it keeps your fingerprints in check for election day. To them that’s what matters. That red finger, yes, which usually takes you weeks to clean as bathing is not your game. Its not that you don’t like bathing, no, you have a lot to do to make your family survive. Or, the red finger is a survival license as you heard that the other year they were chopping hands of those who did not vote.

You know, the middle finger is just their signature greeting, they show it to you immediately when you dance profusely to the deafening sound of the song praising them as the gods of the generation. When they see you sweat, to them its sweet. When you tire, they know you have a story for the whole week in the village about who was not dancing more and that share of a kilogram of rice will not see their pots.

As you know, all these years you have been having a great harvest then suddenly there is drought. Each year when elections are announced its like there is conspiracy between heaven and these devils in our land. My teacher in Sunday school once told us a story from the black book that God once met satan and asked him where he was going. He then told God he was moving up and down the earth looking for someone to deceive and a deal was made to play Job. They played him like F**k until he had nothing. The story says he got everything back but I never heard about the resurrection of his family members and how long it took. The story just shows that there is conspiracy up there but anyway, our elections are the biggest conspiracy ever. The rain patterns change, the sun comes closer to earth like its is the chief election observer and suddenly it’s the ruling party with extra food to share with the citizens.  All that have come before have done this, its not new, you know it well yourself but each year you always fall prey, finding yourself voting for the same enemy of years.

Have you seen how they bring your pastors to these rallies? And some of them are now calld Pastors too! The pastor starts to liken bible characters to these imbeciles and you find yourself shouting …amen!!! This is the game and these are our leaders. They know what you want to hear but they don’t want to hear what you know. Imagine when you have to narrate how on Sundays you spend all day without going to the toilet because the in-laws will be there. You cant’ even use the bush because you have that small toilet which shows your knees when you are feeding the insects inhabiting the latrine. Will they understand? They don’t squat anymore, they seat and relax and perhaps get the latest newspaper and read as they releave themselves.

They do not want to hear about the distance you travel to get rusty water for cooking, let alone that the road you use is not a road. They don’t want to hear that your children travel over fifteen kilometers to the nearest school. They want you to believe that you are the best and well educated because you know where to place your vote. They make you believe you are cool because you always remember the face of the perfect leader when you get into that booth of doom. That booth which they remind you can not defeat the bullet.

You have leaders who forget to remember their promises. Remember when they promised you millions of jobs as if you were Legion? You damn wanted just one job to survive. These leaders remember to forget their manifestos, all the lies they bring, they remember well how to forget them as they will bring them again on another year. Its amazing how, as you stand under the scotching sun, feet burning as you feel the earth breathe into your cracked feet, you manage to clap so loud with bruised hands from yesterdays labor of cutting firewood to cook food which was bought from the money collected from you by force. You salivate at the food as you stand at the end of the queue as the “leaders’’ get the best service from the women of the village who forget to care for their sick and broken men. This is the middle finger….now it bends a bit towards your ass.

My brother used to remind us that people get the leadership they deserve, I always wondered how. I just got to understand that if a president can be on an airplane  eighteen times in five months, it means we have a mad leader who cant stay in his home. Its only those who fear witches who cant have good sleep in their own homes. If he really loves the country, what is wrong with staying home a bit. H e must at least see the queues in banks, move to villages and see the poverty and maybe come talk to you about how to make the best of the land you took from the white man.

There are also these young ones who joined the Leaders’ race yesterday. God forbid, they already have convoys and uoung militias  which salutes them the same way the Junta salutes the old Leaders.

Power is sweet, everyone admires their oppressor in secret as Freire said. Perhaps let me read again the Pedagogy of the oppressed and seek a cure to the Stockholm syndrome. A syndrome  that started as a raised middle finger and now the finger is poking our anus.  

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